*blows dust off blog*
It's been a long time, but I've decided to write again. The reason for the extended absence is to be explained here, and I feel a bit of recapping is definitely in order.
January 3, 2012...it's a day I will never forget. I came home from work to find a wife who, out of the blue, expressed her unhappiness with the marriage, desire for marriage counseling, and fighting back an urge to just pick up and move back in with her parents then and there. I was, among many things, shocked to my core. There had never before been any inkling that there were problems to such an extreme; I certainly didn't have such reservations about her or the marriage. Things weren't easy, sure, but what marriage is? The rationale for this whole situation is personal and will not be put in the public forum, but what it boils down to is she was no longer satisfied with me as I am, and it didn't manifest until nine months into a marriage. I was extremely hurt by this sudden turn of events, but I was willing to fit tooth and nail for what I had worked so hard to achieve.
Fast-forward to two days later. I hadn't eaten in the two days prior, and had finally forced myself to breakfast. I had a marriage counselor lined up through my work's Life Resources program, wherein the first three sessions were free to me. I felt like there was a glimmer of hope, but I had a feeling of dread that it would end regardless. It was the same feeling of dread that preceded the deaths of my grandmother and aunt in 2011, and it was back again as a harbinger of another life catastrophe. I cooked dinner that night - pork chops and mashed potatoes, and had left a plate for her upon her return home. She came home, ate it, complimented my cooking, then revealed that the counseling she demanded was only to clear her conscience before beginning the end. I refused it, did not allow her to say the sentence she wanted to say that would only state the glaringly obvious about the future of our marriage, and left for my brother's to get away from her.
In that instant, everything I had worked for in the past four years would be gone - the marriage, the home, the pets - a new life I had forged for myself was taken from me without warning. I was forced to relocate, a process that took two months, thanks to a needlessly drawn-out transfer. I was left an emotional cripple, barely able to cope with daily life in the following several weeks. A faith that had already been strained following the death of my aunt had now been completely destroyed. I even sought out a psychiatrist for the first time in my life to help sort out my problems.
Where am I now? It's taken a lot of support, but I've taken a lot of steps towards moving on. My emotional state has been restored and I'm able to function normally again. My faith that had contradicted the reality of what I saw in humanity, however, has not; it is curious how individuals who seek to save others ultimately lead to their supposed downfall. As I see it, I have simply been emancipated from a belief structure that no longer applies to my view of the world. I've removed reminders of the past from my life and severed ties with those from that past, not out of malice or vindiction, but necessity in moving on from it. Some of you reading this may see this as carte blanche to bombard her with hateful comments. It is not. I want this to be as clean a split as possible and thank you for respecting my wishes on that matter. Where do I go from here? The future is a mystery, but for now, I'm just focusing on my continued efforts to pick up the pieces and begin my life anew.
